sophistry | (no subject)

I've been very anxious, the past couple of weeks. I have this thing where I tend to take one pretty minor task, and not get it done, then obsess over not having it done, then freak out about it, then panic, and in my paralysis, get nothing else done, until things just keep mounting up. I've been getting a lot better at this since I started taking the Lexapro, but I guess this term's workload is making everyone a little gibberingly crazy, on top of having to be ready for the builders coming to demolish my room, so. Deep breaths, one thing at a time, end of term in two weeks, etc.

But apart from that, I'm... I don't want to say 'okay', because that's just such a pat way of summing everything up, and I'm not really. But this morning, I woke up, and I realised that - I don't know since when, maybe a week ago, maybe two weeks ago - I haven't been mulling over the idea of just raiding my mum's medicine cabinet. Er, dramallama, I know. I'm playing the world's smallest violin for myself, believe me. But it's not that I've been all OMG *SLITZ WRISTZ*, exactly. Just that the past while left me finding fewer and fewer reasons to, well, be bothered with it all. I lost - had been losing - a big one, a really main one, at a time when I really couldn't afford to, annnd... stuff. So I haven't really learned how to be okay again, yet. I still end up crying in the toilets, I still find it hard to get out of bed sometimes. But god. Today I woke up and I wanted to live my ass off. And that's pretty awesome, right there.

There've been a couple of people who've been the most incredible friends I never knew I had, through this, hell or high water - I hope you know who you are. Or maybe you don't, and you don't know just how much simply being there has meant to me. I want to be there for you too, and one day when I have a moment to breathe, I will find a way to thank you. Because you guys have been fucking heroes.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I was walking down the road to the Luas a few days ago, and I was looking up at the trees and noticing that they were slowly starting to lose their winter bareness, and I suddenly realised that for the first time in ages, I'd woken up okay and I was looking up at the trees again and feeling happy about my surroundings. And it's just been... so long since I'd felt like that, I couldn't believe it. And it's no coincidence that this finally kicked in when they upped the dosege strength. *\o/*

Also, I've been feeling ridiculously girly lately. I've been wanting to wear skirts again, and dig out my BPAL imps, and actually colour coordinate. Ridiculous. But, hey, whatever.

Also, lesbian vampires as a potential thesis topic - y/n? I can imaginemy family's reactions to that, since they can't exactly brag about it to their friends. *sniggers*

>:D< <--- really cheesy, I know, but eh. ♥

\o/

Ahaha, omg, I am with you on the girliness. I swear, I think Ouran did this to me. The other day, I was in Habitat, and I was going starry-eyed over these jewels that you can stick on your wall. *_*

When did I become like this.

I think lesbian vampires would be a freaking awesome thesis topic. Think of how much fun the reading would be. I will make phone-posts with you of lesbian vampire dialogue.

...I want jewels you can stick on your wall. *_* Shiny.

i found an anthology of lesbian vampire erotica in Chapters. I was just, "..." about it and staring somewhat in desbelief at it. Apparently, it's a genuine genre that's been around for ages. Ahahaha. God.

I just ran down to Aya for takeaway sushi, and ended up buying... koala biscuits. They have little chibi koalas on them with bows in their hair. And strawberry&chocolate filling.

I don't think I can ever claim to be a tomboy again.

But I like the chocolate ones! I barely managed to bring back a gigantic box of them from London. Getting it into my bag along with ten book and, er, my clothes was one hell of a tight fit, let me tell you. The Asian market has melon flavoured ones, but I haven't tried them, and I don't like strawberry.

Aya's takeaway sushi is fantastic. I bought some during a Bad Day and, god, it was so good. Mmmm.

I have no idea if I'm one of those people or not, but I want you to know that this post made my grin my hungover ass off.

Also, my sister suggested re: the package that if possible you could have it sent to her house instead. Is it possible to change the direction like that?

I just got off the phone with the post office - I'm in uni, so I didn't have the tracking number with me, but they said it 90%-probably went to USPS. I'll email you the tracking number when I get home, and you can probably arrange a time for it to be delivered or to pick it up or something.

Thinking about it, you might even be able to pick it up if you just have ID or something with you.

P.S.

♥

Pretty awesome indeed.

*hugs*

I'm very, very glad for that, even if you're still working towards being really okay. Because you are one of the more awesome people I know, and you deserve to be honestly happy.

And that's a start to be glad and proud of.

you deserve to be honestly happy

It is surprisingly moving - enough that I sort of wish I wasn't in public - to hear someone tell me that.

Thank you, Gen.

It's only truth.

And so you are very welcome.

Today I woke up and I wanted to live my ass off. And that's pretty awesome, right there.

You summed up today in the best possible way. Love you dearie.

Love you too, babe.

Today I woke up and I wanted to live my ass off.

I'm so glad. You've been going through a really rough time, and I've been worried. I'm SO GLAD to hear this that I don't have the words to express just how much. I'm also glad the Lexapro is helping -- that why such things exist -- and that you are moving through, one space and one step and one thing at a time. It does get better. It will.

One more thing to share, as a reminder of the joy that life has/can/and will hold-- and it's something you yourself wrote that I saved in a file and pull out myself to read over when I need a lift. :) Just so you know.

This is Earth-that-Was.

Never underestimate the power of PoT!

*grins a lot*

I haven't been there for you as much as I'd like. So despite that, I'm pleased that someone has. You deserve it, and I'm glad.

:D!!!! That is fabulous. I'm so, so glad that things're looking up.

Oh honey, I'm so glad to hear this. It's a brilliant feeling to wake up a realize that you can breathe a little, even if the tears still come.

You are such a beautiful, smart, talented young woman. I for one am very glad you're going to live your ass off.

You - genuinely, I think - have no idea how glad I am to read this.