I suppose I'm glad Valentine's Day is over. I don't virulently loathe it, the way some people seem to - I can get behind the idea of a day dedicated to the appreciation of people you care about. But I really am grossly uncomfortable with PDAs and public mushiness, and... well, I don't really have any memory of being honest with someone about how I feel about them that doesn't involve it being thrown back in my face and me looking like a loser.

I wonder if it's just a learned aversion to intimacy. I'm the same way - or sort of - about physical intimacy. I mean, I'm fine with giving someone a hug, and I... okay, I won't have no problems with, say, squishing into a crowded car-seat with a friend. I'll have a moment of :\, sure. But it's no big deal. But the thought of any non-platonic sort of touch just... makes my skin crawl. Of course, not that I've had all that much experience - of all the two people who have ever displayed That Kind of interest in me, one was only after one thing, and the other, um, thought I was asleep. And, okay, that makes it sound way worse than it actually was - it was fairly innocent, considering, but. It's the principle of the thing. Even before, I'd been very personal-space-y, and I had mentioned that touching was a bit of a Thing, and it just... squicks me out pretty severely to think about it, even now.

So, uh. I forget what my point was, a bit, except to say that I am aware that I am emotionally stunted, and regardless of how I feel, anything more than excited keyboardmashing and typing *clings!!1!* makes me squirm in discomfort. So, just, you know... take this opportunity, before I chicken out of typing it or filter it to, like, four people, to remind yourselves that even when I'm being guarded and cross and upset and bitchy and hard-hearted and mean, I really am thankful for you guys. All of you. And I'd happily squish into a car-seat with any of you.