Uggggh. UGH UGH UGH.

Mum: "Oh hey, I was reading an article in the paper that I think you'd find interesting!"

Me: "Oh god, is this about the - "

Mum: *waves double-page spread on Gobekli Tepe complete with illustration in my face*

So now the Irish papers are running stories about how Gobekli Tepe is the site of the Garden of Eden. I am neither a Biblical scholar nor a scholar of prehistory, but I should still like to go and find the hack who wrote the original article to drum up excitement for his novel and SLAP HIM.

I started c&p-ing quotes here and adding capslocked commentary, but then I realised that that way lies madness. So why don't I just say this:

• The Genesis Secret by Tom Knox is published by Harper Collins on March 9, priced £6.99. To order a copy (P&P free), call 0845 155 0720.

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