sophistry | (no subject)

I'm replacing my best friend. With her other best friend.

The language of this is really - I don't know. I just... hope it's not on purpose? Because, of course we can't help who we like and click with, and who we don't, or who we grow away from, or towards. But simply... simply deciding to replace one friend with another is so very hurtful.

But then again, if the friendship between you and best-friend is having a negative effect, then - maybe you are better off cutting loose?

I don't know. I'm not actually sure what I want to say here. I'm not best placed to discuss issues like this from an objective viewpoint, for various personal reasons.

I just... I hope nobody gets hurt, you know? It can't be easy for you, either.

I always say this, but I have the hots for Jewish boys so much.

I have a thing for priest's collars.

You're not alone. Mmmm-hmmm.

i am so glad most of the fangirly former hp now pot bnfs haven't invaded any of my fandoms

i couldn't handle that shit.

Guilty as charged. :/ Not of bnf-ness, but definitely of getting caught up in the collective surge of excitement at finding PoT. We are like a plague of starry-eyed, excited, capslocky locusts.

i like YOU so it's chill

I really secretly want

thewhiteprophet to do another hate meme rofl

ME TOO. I mean. Uh.

I know that in the long run, they're just bad for fandom in general (or ARE they? purgative effects? I just don't know), and people end up getting hurt, but at the same time, god. Sometimes, you just need a place to scream and vent - and so do most people online. Just get it aaaalllll out there.

Hate memes = the primal scream therapy of fandom?

I JUST LOVE READING THEM. Even stuff about myself.

Word, word. I think I've posted in hate memes like... all of twice. The primary draw is just watching with popcorn. SUPER ADDICTIVE READING. Also it's like vicarious stress-relief.

I mean.

No.

Hate memes are bad, kids.

If I didn't think the fandom would run you out with pitchforks, I'd suggest you do it, Sophie.

I totally did a small one, a while back! It was odd - someone was like, 'I don't understand why you opened this can of worms', but the way I see it, nobody has to take part. It's the people that are actually hating in the meme that are bringing their own can of worms to the table to open. The starter of a hate meme is just leaving a can-opener on the table and turning their backs.

exactly. it's their own fault.

I have a thing for someone one of my best friends used to date. It's ridiculous and inappropriate and it won't go away.

AWKWARD. Does your friend know? I'm assuming not. Yeah, I can see how that might be kind of erk (especially if they ended messily?), but then again, you never know your luck. You could always try kind of throwing hints at your friend to sound out how s/he might feel about it, since - well. Not to be all HOT DATE > FRIEND, which = no, but. Seeing as this is a very persistent Thing, it might be worth pursuing at least a little further.

They didn't end messily, they just sort of -- ended. From what I heard of it, they just sort of stopped talking. Not because of any, like, underlying issues or whatever, they just ... fell out of step, I guess? They aren't mortal enemies now, or anything, I just really don't want to be That Person. [I wouldn't even be thinking about it -- I get ridiculous crushes all the time, mostly because I think hey, wouldn't it be awesome if I liked someone? -- except that this one smacked me upside the head and I just, my stomach gets all fluttery. My boyfriend didn't do that to me.]

ALSO (I am hatememe!mouse) I want another fanficcer vs fanartist hotness thrown-down again.

Eh. I missed the first one, I think, and only got to the last one kind of late, but... I don't know, I found it kind of... boring? Proooobably because I am neither strictly fanficcer nor fanartist, unless you count either RP or the very occasional doodle, so.

I'm trying to be a better, more honest, and more understanding person.

But sometimes it just feels so damn good to bitch about people behind their backs.

It's brilliant that you're trying - but I wouldn't beat yourself up for not being Gandhi. There's hardly a person in the world who doesn't enjoy an occasional bitchfest, now and then. People are just people.

Sometimes I think the secrets I know would blow HP fandom wide open.

I don't want to find out, in case the big bada boom isn't as big as I dream.

The internet is so fucking stupid.

I love it anyway.

I am having one of those weeks where I want to shove every crazy demand internet people make of me under their socially retarded noses and lose my temper.

i think it's probably the coolest thing ever that in three years of constant operation milliways has only ever had to permanently ban two people. what a track record.

Something happened about two weeks ago and now I'm convinced that at least two box people I trusted only put up with me because at this point it would be too difficult to extricate our characters, and maybe also because of habit, considering how long we've been playing together.

It makes me feel worthless. It's like the only reason I'm good for anything any more to these people is because I can sling together a coherent sentence. I don't know how to change this and I'm beyond burned out. I don't like feeling like a burden.

...WHOA.

That sucks, man.

I don't know what happened to you, but I think I know how you feel. Walking away from all that was a good decision that I never regretted.

If you're who I think you are, I know for a fact that your walking away was and is regretted. FYI.

D:

Dude, I have no idea what happened, and no idea who this is, but

. Is there anything I can do? Anyone I can talk to? Email me if you want? I really really hope this isn't as bad as you think, and maybe it isn't. I just can't see that happening between any of us, but just. WAH. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I seriously had no idea something was amiss.

Whatever else may be the case: you are not worthless. Whoever this is, every box person is amazing and talented and wonderful, and whoever this is, I am proud to know you.

I'm going to add into this, because I have, on a few occasions (one of which being, er, last week or so), had my own box wibbles of "oh god do people like me, do people really want to play with me, or are they just doing it because I asked, wah wibbly cakes aiee?"

I know there are undercurrents, even in box, that tend to ebb and flow depending on situations, stresses, and times of the year, and I truly think it's due to the fact that we can't see each other and actually talk to each other more than a time or two a year. I know perceptions are easy to assume, and communication is the only thing that helps this kind of thing along.

Boo.

Anonymous, let me know if I can do anything, okay?

Talk to them. I know it would be hard and scary, but talk to them. Sometimes people put ideas into our heads just for the lulz because we are the "evil, mean, popular" people. It'd be funny to make us suffer for all the pain and torture we've put people through.

That and we are all just a little self-centered. We are creative people. It happens. Sometimes we forget to remember other people even when we think of them extremely fondly. Friendly smacks to the back of the head are good for the soul.

My God, do I ever know how you feel. For me, it's that very often it seems like a lot of box would just rather not thread with me-- I don't know why that always hurts, because it seems like they like me and are interested in who I am beyond threading. But ... in-game, I often do feel like a burden.

I'm also not trying to be self-centered or take the focus off you, I just mean that ... if you're feeling awful and like the dynamic just isn't working, it's not just you. It's not just you at all.

In-game, I know I'm a flake. I ask for threads or suggest them and then don't always follow through. But I try really hard to let people know I'm interested in them and what they have to offer. If I don't tag you very often-- and I'm sure I should be doing it more-- I will guarantee you it's because I'm afraid of imposing. That's just me; I don't think I'm one of the people you're talking about, but in that case ... um, it means I am *not* one of those last two you trusted, which means I've probably got more work to do.

(That, for the record, is not "work" in the sense of obligation. I,can always do with learning to be more courteous and generous with myself/my time)

....... And you know really all I meant to say here was:

*hugs* I getcha.

I'm so tired that sometimes I just want to disappear.

I'm thinking of leaving. It's not anything anyone said or did. It's just that I've run out of reasons to stay.

Me too.

I have this nasty suspicion that my fandom has come down with the creeping suck, and all I can do is watch it happen.

I've been sitting here for almost 15 minutes trying to make since of the whirlwind that has been my recent series of events so as to pick one idea, one emotion that needs to be said out loud so that the rattling noise it makes in my brain would go away.

I can't find which thread to pull on.

I'm hoping I can just start obsessively cleaning my house and it'll figure itself out.

It'd be good if I could get through the next four weeks without yelling at our newly returned executive* director for being a bitchy, pretentious diva with delusions of self-righteousness.

*I typed "executed" first time. My Freudian slip is showing.

I wish more people would say, "I know I'm being irrational, so..." instead of "I know I'm being irrational, but..."

Or, fuck, I just wish more people would notice when they're being irrational.

I constantly tell myself that my problems are pretty much inconsequential because there are so many people, some of whom I know, who are so much worse off in those areas than I am. It's probably not healthy, but it gets me through.

The person I love best is going slowly insane from a degenerative mental illness.

I've made a moral and personal commitment to stand by them no matter what. I've invested everything into it, as a person. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I was dead, but I can't kill myself because I'm needed.

Going online is my only real pleasure left in life, but lately when I see what people I consider friends consider important enough to get worked up and wanky and whiny about, I just want to beat them all.

And it's unfair, and I'm so fucking mealy-mouthed I don't feel comfortable saying this unqualifiedly even anonymousely. But if you were wondering about my feelings about the latest LJ or RP wank? There you go. My feelings are fuck off.

I really fucking miss you.

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