sophistry | (no subject)

Behind the unspammy safety of the LJ-cut, the past two weeks or so have set me thinking harder than usual on the subject, and - much as I would give literally pretty much anything to be able to keep playing Crowley, I am wondering more and more if it is not time to just jack it all in and retire him. With pretty much all of his important IC relationships gone/no longer necessary/redundant/easily replaceable/etc., and considering the fact that said circumstances have made it increasingly difficult to play because of 1) the resultant upset/jealousy and 2) the complete lack of... reference? due to other characters in those relationships being Gone, and the inherent OOCness that would be playing without reference to those IC relationships *deep breath*... yeah. I don't really feel like I can contribute anything meaningful to the game, anymore. Hell, look how long it's been since I've been able to entrance-post him.

So.

I really don't want to - RP is my only escapism from [boring angst redacted], but recently, it's just brought me a hell of a lot more upset than happiness.

And it's not like, at this stage, I'd be inconveniencing anyone by taking Crowley out of the game.

So in conclusion, I have spent the day curled up in bed feeling sorry for myself. Woohoo.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I do think sometimes the end of a character's playability is reached. Sometimes it is just in one game, and sometimes it is complete. I have retired more characters that I play, truly, or put them aside because of circumstance, and I never find it easy, or welcome, really.

If you feel it is time to retire him in Milliways, then maybe it is. I hope you can find another venue to play him, or another character to play, that will fill you with as much joy as he has.

I have questions about this, but I feel that they are best stated in a not-public forum.

And if you'd prefer, I can totally let it drop, but -- I am curious. And I want to help if I can.

I am emailable/pingable, if such is feasible from work; failing that, I'll also be around tonight (assuming you are not dead after possible 9pm Day).

I don't know any of the details of your experience, but - the realisation that a place you once considered all but a second home, and people who were practically family, no longer need or possibly even want you anymore is a really deeply painful and shitty one. It took me forever to leave Milliways, even after it was painfull clear that leaving was what I needed to do, because leaving behind characters and people and a place that I had loved seemed impossibly hard.

But in retrospect, I wish that I had made the decision quickly and followed through with it - dragging it out just made that painful period a hell of a lot worse in the long run. I don't know that leaving is the right decision for you, but if it is, then I can all but guarantee that doing it quickly will be easier in the long run.

The important friendships will last, I promise, and - well, there are other games than these. The end of Crowley at Milliways doesn't mean the end of RPing, or even the end of RPing Crowley.

I'm really, really sorry you're having to go through this - I hope this helps, even just a little and - well, I know it's been a long time, but if you want to talk, I'm happy to listen.

Some people are gone, yes -- ICly and/or OOCly. And that can make play hard, I know.

I don't think Crowley is redundant or easily replaceable to anyone, though.

If you want to retire him, or feel you need to for your own stress levels or whatever, that's one thing. But if you don't and are just feeling backed into a corner by IC situations... well, that's different. That's something a lot of people would be glad, I think, to help you try to work around. Because I know I'm not at all alone in liking him, and missing him, and being glad for every chance I get to play my characters with him, with new and especially with established relationships.

I can definitely understand the flailyness of losing important IC relationships. There was even a time when I (briefly) considered retiring Lilly post-gunslingers because I didn't see how I could keep playing her without that group of people. Obviously I didn't, but it was a rough time. There have been times since then when an important group's gone quiet or retired or whatever, and they're not always fun to play through. And there are those times when for whatever reason, one half of a couple disappears and while that sucks, it is possible to find ways around it, like Heater's done with Alanna.

I think what it comes down to is if you're willing, interested and able to do 'pretty much anything' and you put a lot of time and effort into maintaining IC relationships and creating new ones, then you'll find new references and ways to stay playable. As far as replaceable/redundant relationships, I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Given the people you generally play with, I doubt any of them are trying to make you feel either replaceable or redundant even if their pup's circle has expanded while yours has contracted.

It's up to you, of course, to make the decision about how much you want to invest in finding ways to keep Crowley playable as well as how much time and mental energy you have to invest. It's a tough call, so good luck with that.

Do what you need to do for yourself, as sad as that would be. I know we don't talk (or RP) much anymore, but your presence is one I'll always pay attention to and appreciate, if that's worth anything.

I think Gen said what I want to say much better and more rationally than I could - if you need to take him out for your own peace of mind, then that's the thing to do. But if it's something that is just due to circumstances, there has to be a way - and I'm certain I'm not the only one who wants to help.

Whatever you decide, Crowley is awesome. I'm glad for every chance I get to read him, let alone play characters with him. ;) I don't see him as unnecessary/redundant/replaceable at all, and he would be very greatly missed.

I know I have been absent on a lot of levels lately due to Life and Ever-present Fatigue, but I do want you to know that I haven't left you behind, and that I do want to talk to you about all of this. I have been having mental difficulties with AIM lately, but if you'd like to email me I would love to hear from you. Or maybe I'll just email you.

I want you to know that I am taking this post seriously, and I am taking our conversation very seriously and have emailed relevant parties as a consult. I'm gonna take the time this week to think this over very carefully, because a knee-jerk decision would never help either of us. Okay?